Archive for February, 2008

29
Feb

Paul: Chloe Sevigny is the luckiest MF in the world…


…seriously!

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I know I’ve been on a total music video kick lately, but you’re just going to have to roll with it until I get it out of my system. I know that the Lemonheads were kind of a shitty band, but for some reason I kind of like them anyway. I’m sure a significant part of that is the fact that Evan Dando is such dreamboat. sigh… While scoping out some of their old videos on Youtube and swooning over him I spotted Chloe Sevigny in the video for “Big Gay Heart”. Dando looks even more sexy than usual in this video, I’d never seen him with short hair before. I did a little research and it turns out this video was made in 1993, a couple of years before Chloe Sevigny became pseudo-famous starring in “Kids.” Anyway, here’s the video:

She was only 18 years old and had just moved to Brooklyn from her comfy suburban hometown in Connecticut. I don’t have the whole story, but I’m sure she only got to be in the video because she was such a total scenester. According to Wikipedia her whole career began when someone from Sassy magazine spotted her hanging out at a Brooklyn skate park and liked her style so much that they asked her to come intern there - giving her the opportunity to network with famous people. Who knows, had she not been at that skate park on that day, the world may have been deprived of her unquestionable style and talent. She may well have gotten married and moved back to Connecticut, where one day she’d brag to her kids about the time she was in a Lemonheads video.

29
Feb

Jon: Portland’s Official Mini-Bike Dance Troupe…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…THE SPROCKETTES!!!

The Sprockettes!!!

(that babe in the tutu is my super-friend Nickey)

 

http://sprockettes.org/

28
Feb

Paul: I’m not sure why, but…


…my cats keep showing up in rock videos from the 90’s!
For those of you who don’t already know there are three cats that live at gaycondo: Alien, Predator, and Carlton. A couple months a go I was shocked to find a cat that looked exactly like Carlton in a Mary Timony video. I know some cats of the same color tend to look similar, but this was uncanny, the way he walked and everything was exactly like my cat. It blew my mind so much that I wrote a blog post about it.
Then, just the other day I stumbled across this Sonic Youth video for “Kool Thing” from back in like 1990, and the cat in it is a total dead ringer for Alien. It’s not just the looks either - it’s the mannersims and everything. This is what she looks like:

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When you check out the video her kitty doppelganger first appears around 37 seconds, right around the line “kool thing, sitting with a kitty.” Maybe it was Alien’s great great grandmother or something. It’s a very interesting video, too. It really embodies the spirit of third-wave feminism in the early 90’s.

27
Feb

Keep It on the Brownlowe: We’re HOME!!!

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Hello everyone! As you probably have noticed, Jon and myself have not been at gaycondo. In fact, we have been rocking out in our band, Swallows, in San Fransisco and Sacramento with Agent Ribbons.

Watch/Listen to our cover of Patti Smith’s “Distant Fingers”

hell yeah! [BUY OUR CD ON CHURCH OF GIRL RECORDS]

While I couldn’t find a live version of Patti Smith’s original, I did find the song being played over a sumo wrestling video!!!

27
Feb

Paul: I love Chris Crocker, but…


…that outfit is not pretty.

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I love a sissy as much as the next guy (probably a lot more) but someone needs to tell Chris Crocker that now that he’s a celebrity he can’t go out looking like this. The hair looks like a damn birds nest and pasty white girl’s don’t look good in yellow. Worst of all, no makeup!
This one’s a lot better. You can’t really see the clothes but the whole look seems a lot more classy and expen$$$ive.

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Chris needs to find a gig that pays, I don’t know what you can make from a few gay-ass youtube videos (if anything) but I think he deserves to have a stylist a massive budget for clothes. It’s funny how Southern gay is so different than other places. You have to have a pretty thick skin and fuck-all attitude. That’s a big part of the reason I love Chris, if you’ve ever read the comments on his videos they’re full of tens of thousands of people saying awful stuff, some even threaten to kill him. Check out this video of him with his mom where they talk back to all the haters:

25
Feb

Paul: My Ideal TV Boyfriend…


…is some guy I’ve never heard of!
In case you haven’t noticed Jon and Em are out of town, meaning I get to post stupid shit like this whatever I want. Craig who runs one of our favorite blogs, Puntabulous, took the quiz also. I think my guy is way cuter.  

24
Feb

Paul: Juliana Hatfield victim of internet abuse!


…and another music video as a bonus!

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 What’s Juliana Hatfield been up to the past 15 years? Well, for one thing she’s been consistently putting out records that I suppose somebody must be buying. And according to her website she’s been the target of fucked up internet imposters. Here’s what she has to say about it:

“Someone purporting to be ‘Juliana Hatfield’ is disseminating disturbing email messages, postings, and e-cards throughout the Internet.
Please ignore any and all unsolicited anti-Semitic, racist/fascist, or sexually perverted email or e-cards sent by ‘Juliana Hatfield.’ It is not coming from me.

This has, sadly, been going on for quite some time. I thought that if I ignored the problem, or at least didn’t acknowledge it publicly, the perpetrator would eventually get this sickness out of his/her system and move on to happier, healthier, more productive pursuits. I was wrong.

And now I feel I must issue this disclaimer, for the benefit of any of you who may yet be targeted: Please don’t open any unsolicited mail from
‘Juliana Hatfield’ if you don’t know me. Please don’t even look at this stuff.
It’s ugly and kind of heartbreaking.

Sincerely,
Juliana Hatfield”

Geez, what a spazz! I wonder what they were saying? I doubt any non-retarded people actually believe that  the real Juliana Hatfield is out there posting nasty things. Or maybe she did it just so she could get attention and talk about how extremely upset she was about it on her official website. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Anyway, just for fun check out this video of her’s from 1995 for the unbelievably catchy song ”Universal Heartbeat”!!!

24
Feb

Paul: Music Video Monday


…Sonic Youth - Sugar Kane
this one’s fan-made, but it’s fucking brilliantly edited. The second one’s the official video, it’s alright but the one w/ Marilyn is much better. Either way it’s a great song, and I usually prefer Sonic Youth songs where Kim sings.

23
Feb

Paul: 1992, best year ever?


…at least I think so.
1992 was a pivotal time where great things happened in art, music, and politics. Bill Clinton was elected, blacks in LA rioted, Nirvana was at their height. It wasn’t a golden age but it was a time of transition, it was definately clear the lame ass 80’s were over. While listening to the 90’s station on the satellite radio at my work today “Jump” by Kriss Kross came on.

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I hadn’t thought of these kids in years, but that song was the shit back in 92′. You have to be a real bad-ass to wear your clothes backwards, right? I admit that back in the day I tried it, and even in pants 2 sizes to big with a sturdy belt it really doesn’t work very well. I think their backwards clothes were special made. I do remember some kids actually coming to school with overalls on backwards, though. That took some balls. I’m not going to post it here, but if you’re really interested you can watch their hit video here. One of the lines from the song is “bull-crap is what I’m dumpin.” Is that deep or what? For 11 year-olds they look really mean, I’m kind of scared of them even today.

23
Feb

KEEP IT ON BROWNLOWE: MOMA SF

Em Brownlowe

Jon and I are on tour in San Francisco so we decided to stop off at MOMA!

The highlights for me included a series by Nicholas Nixon entitled, “The Brown Sisters”. For 30 years Nixon took a photograph of four sisters in the same standing order. I found this project very interesting because you could see how each woman aged over time.

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The other work that affected me and inspired me the most was a video installation by Rineke Dijkstra who set up her video camera in an isolated room in a techno dance club in England and Holland. She filmed young adults individually dancing, smoking and hanging around to juxtapose their perceived sense of self and what the audience is able to communicate from “their actions.

This girl starts off shy and reserved but then becomes a dancing machine…

This next girl was my favorite because I felt she was really attached to the macho/serious side of dancing but every now and then she would dance off beat, catch herself, smile inwardly and then re-create the facade.

I couldn’t find a video of it online but my other favorite footage was of a shaved head “tough-guy” who comes up close in front of the camera and sadly smokes a cigarette. In contrast to the other videos of people dancing and trying to look cool, I felt this short segment was honest and seemed as if the boy was taking a break from his persona in the outside world and was able to show the camera his true self… Or maybe that was what he was hoping for us to perceive him as…a sensitive ex tough guy.

22
Feb

Paul: Delicious Tiger Wine!


…the drink of champions.

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This may look like a tacky tchochke but it’s actually a bottle of tiger wine, a beverage made out of the crushed up bones of real-live tigers. Apparently it’s illegal, but that doesn’t stop the Chinese from running tiger farms to produce it. It’s supposed to make you all virile and give you tiger strength. I looked for some on e-bay and found one 16 oz. bottle for $45. I don’t think it’s real though since it doesn’t come in a tiger shaped bottle, and it ships from California rather than China. This is what the seller claims:
“Excellent internal training wine used to augment the results from your training program. Traditionally used for increasing bone density and strength. This formula both regulates blood and chi, prevents stagnation, and prevents damage or latent injury from repeated impact. It also tonifies the body, strengthens bones, sinews and organs, increases energy for training and improves recovery from injury.”
You’d have to be a total douchebag to believe that, but I still wonder what the stuff tastes like. Is there alcohol in it? If anybody knows where I can get the real stuff let me know. I know it’s wrong, but not drinking it won’t bring any tigers back to life, and that tiger would totally eat you if he had the chance. Check out this PSA convincing chinese people to quit making wine out of tigers, I think it’s a little heavy-handed at the end.

21
Feb

Paul: Salute Your Shorts…


…awesome fan video
I miss this show, ZZ was my fave but I had a crush on Michael. Why the F isn’t this on DVD? Maybe I’m an idiot, but this guy’s alteration of the opening sequence made me laugh out loud.

20
Feb

Paul: My Plan to Get Filthy Rich…


…by suing the pants off Hooters!

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Thanks to Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 it’s illegal for businesses to discriminate on the basis of gender, yet over 40 years after passage of that law Hooters refuses to hire male servers in their restaurants. How do they get away with it, you ask? When men sue them for discrimination, Hooters pays them to make them go away. If Hooters were to reclassify itself as entertainment along the lines of strip clubs the courts would agree that being female (with large tits) is a bona fide occupational qualification, but Hooters insists that they are a family restaurant. If your neighborhood family restaurant like Applebees refused to hire female servers you’d think it was fucked up, right? Well this is really no different. As a longtime food server I am more than qualified to perform the duties associated with a job at Hooters. To make my case (and make some money) I need a hot, straight-looking girl with big tits and minimal restaurant experience. We apply on the same day, if the hot girl gets the job even though I have more experience there’s a damn good case that I’ve been discriminated against. Also, if the hot girl is straight I could sue for discrimination based on my sexual orientation pursuant to a new Oregon law. When I file a lawsuit they’ll settle my claim and I’ll split the cash with my hot girl accomplice, I think it would be at least into 5 figures. If you live in Portland and fit the above description drop me a line, Gaycondo comes with a mortgage and I have to pay it somehow.

20
Feb

KEEP IT ON THE BROWNLOWE: Beyond Reality

Em Brownlowe

Prior to living in gaycondo, I lived in a janky inner city apartment…which happened to have the best cable TV….or more specifically, BRAVO tv network.

I am convinced that BRAVO is made for the gays/fagettes. They have the best celeb-reality shows such as Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List and competitive reality TV shows such as Project Runway (fashion) and Top Chef (food).

In fact, I think I gained 10 pounds from sitting on my ass watching Top Chef religiously. Luckily, I began to watch Work Out on BRAVO and was inspired to go to the gym.

Leaving the BRAVO cable network for gaycondo was a difficult decision…I would have to leave my TV friends behind in exchange for real ones. Leaving Jackie Warner, the andro-flexed star of Work Out and the people on Top Chef would be especially difficult.

I had to find an alternative! I tried to find Top Chef video on the internet but I couldn’t find up to date full length episodes. Instead, I happened upon a New York mother/daughter vlog who apparently are waaaay more obsessed with reality television than I was. For a myriad of shows, including Top Chef, Maddie and Janet do a 10 minute recap of each episode. Their witty commentary and precise recollection make it so you don’t even have to watch the show! I would even sit through a recap of shows I wouldn’t normally watch such as Big Brother, Dancing with Stars, American Idol, etc

Apparently, over the past few months they have become more professional and developed a theme song, acquired a blue screen and have called their show “Beyond Reality”.

Did you miss Big Brother last night? Are you like me and do not even watch the show but like to laugh? No problem. Get caught up:

20
Feb

Jon: Yeah, I’m from freakin’ New Jersey….

….do I sound like this???

I fucking love this video.

Via Fast Hugs